Newborn 12 year old dog...

So this past few weeks we have found out that our sweet Bella has cancer. After weeks of steroids and trying to shrink her tumor, we were told that her paw is too delicate to operate one due to the thin skin. So, instead we meet with a dog oncologist. Through this process we have learned that her cancer in her paw has been spreading through her lymph nodes. She is on a higher dose of steroids and some fun human drugs too. Our goal is to make her as comfortable as possible for as long as possible.

The silver lining is she seems like she has no idea. However, her steroids are turning her into a newborn. She has to eat/pee every 2-3 hours...especially at night at 2 a.m., 4 a.m., and 6 a.m. EVERY NIGHT. Mama's I do not know how you do it! I have to walk down stairs and let the dogs outside and give her a little food (because her roids make her SO HUNGRY) and my sleep is fucked.


The best part is that she naps all why doesn't she need to eat and pee all day!?! The worst part about all of this is that I just look at her and right now because I have the most sensitive tear ducts (thanks for that trait dad!) and I have to guess way more at what is making her uncomfortable. She cries/whines a lot more, she has always been a little vocal, but this is BEYOND. But now I have no idea what she wants...I just say words until she perks up...."outside? food? up? drugs? cuddle? car ride? (that one is NEVER the answer)"

Last night some friends came over for dinner and wine; when I say she whined for HOURS I mean she WHINED FOR HOURS! My friends were baby talking to her, petting her, moving all over the room to make her happy and NOTHING worked. She just howled for hours.

Once they left I laid down and turned on Friends and she laid right down and went to sleep. It was so cute and I was so thankful. I literally thought that she was in such massive pain last night that she was trying to tell me something. And I am not ready for that yet...I probably won't ever be ready for it to be honest.

I got Bella when she was a baby, some friends of friends found her in an abandoned house. One of the guys was going to take her, but after 2 days she was terrified of him and he just couldn't. I was sitting on the floor and she walked up and sat in my lap...and from that moment forward she was mine and I was hers. She was around through lots of dumb boys, crazy roommate situations, and helped me grow up. She is my baby and to say I am devasted by this is an understatement....but I am choosing to enjoy this new game of "Why am I whining?" and all of her cuddles.

Luckily, Ditka (our 5 year old puppy) is wise beyond his years and just lets her do her thing now. It is like he understands way more than we do and sometimes when she whines, he even moves or walks to the door to help us with our new guessing game.

Moral of the story: SHIT HAPPENS, but we will get through it. And I am so thankful for my tribe of friends and family who have reached out, helped out, and loved our fur babies.


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