Lately I have been thinking a lot about friendships...how have I always viewed friends? How was I a good friend? Where did I become so fucking weird about friendships with other ladies? So I rewound a bit and started looking back on my college days, oh geez. Also, who honestly was the best version of themselves in those days?! Besides my wonderful keg stand times, I was a mess of a person trying to figure out who she was in a world that wanted me to be someone else and with friends in the mix I am sure I was not the picture perfect person to be friends with either.
I felt so much pressure to BE someone, not like a particular person, but just to be important in my group of friends. So I did what most college girls do, I joined a sorority. Yes, you can laugh for a second. Not that sororities are laughable, but me being in one is. This girl (me) was always friends with the guys, even now being friends with guys is easier almost for me than being friends with other women (I said almost...see I am growing). So when my "sisters" decided I was sleeping with anyone and everyone (which I definitely was not I would simply rather hang out with them) I decided that I could be just fine on my own, I had a whole group of friends. So I quit months after joining because I did not need that shit or weird harassment. I was so relieved to not have that be a part of my story anymore, although I was naive as to how it all worked. You see lots of the "friends" I had at the time were also my sisters, and as soon I as dropped out I started to realize that most my "friends" slowly stopped talking to me. This is not a pity post, literally just a part of my past that helped me grow up. I was real bitter about it for years, but I am sure I would have done the same thing...all of a sudden someone in the group is gone and that is that. Life goes on, no harm no foul you still have a whole group of people you enjoy being friends with and it is easier than being friends with that one chick no one likes. But, it was when this friend group slowly started to disappear that I realized I was not who I wanted to be...and I had all this stuff that I had only gotten to fit in. Keeping up with the Jones' should have been the name of my sophomore year in college. Which, is not a great way to live either and thankfully I am happily over that phase of growing up.
As a grown ass women, I can tell you that I have had a few groups of friends that I have slowly left too. Not that I did not like them anymore, just our paths in life were going different directions and it was easier to stop talking to them and be busy than to face the music that we were different people now and break up. Do friends break up?! Anyways, thanks to the interwebs we still chat every now and then and I can easily spy on them, I mean check out their posts on social media. I am so thankful for all of the ladies who I was friends with at some point because I learned very valuable lessons. I learned my strengths and weaknesses in those friendships and I have grown as a person.
There was a time when I was so happy to be alone or just hang out with the guys, because literally they cared about beer and sports and that was drama I could handle. The other "who is talking to who, she said what" drama wore me out and brought out such a nasty side of myself. Thankfully, I was able to see that and even now if I get stuck in it my sweet, honest Abe of a husband will call my ass out. I am so thankful for him. But I have learned how to be a friend over the years too (yes, there are things I had to learn to be a good friend, like how to listen, how to have patience, how to make time for friends, etc.) and I love my girls. Even if it is just a quick walk with our dogs, getting time to chat and catch up on life makes my heart so happy. These women know who I am and though we don't always see things the same way I love that we can discuss it, break it down, and agree to disagree with love in our hearts and smiles on our faces.
I always had friends, but I only have a few that am still super close with from childhood, college, etc. I value these ladies more than they will probably ever know,. They fill my cup, make me laugh, give me advice, help me drink the wine, and share in my life with me right where I am with no pressure to be or do anything but simply exist. Some of my closest friends I made as an adult working a part time job at a running store, some of them I made ONLINE through workouts or running a health/fitness business, and some of them I have known my entire life but here and now is when we are friends. So be kind, listen, dance to your favorite song while busting out your best moves, laugh until you can't breath and you almost spit your drink out, share wine, adventures, and stories. Ladies, this is what friendship looks like and I am so happy I found my tribe even if it was years later.
So FRIENDS, even though we don't have an amazingly good TV show about our favorite coffee shop, all of our exes and our great made up songs, THANK YOU for being you. And THANK YOU for allowing me to be my weird self too.